Sakura's Hellish Day
by Cadaver's Kiss
Summary: Sakura has a horrible day. Not bashing. Just humor at her expense. Crackfic, no plot whatsoever.


Summary : Sakura has a rather suck-ish day. This fic is pointless, and very, very retarded. You have been warned.

I had to list five random things (given to me by a friend) in this story. They were :

Plastic Leg

Orange

Light Bulb

Tennis Ball

High Heels

Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto, the characters, or any of the above mentioned items. I really would like a plastic leg, though...

Today had been the equivalent of hell on earth. As far as Sakura was concerned, Satan could just spring out of the ground and take her under now, because there was absolutely no freakin' way that today could get any worse. Not even if Neji finally grew a pair and decided that destiny was obsolete, and dyed his hair dayglo orange and wore high heels.

Actually, that'd be pretty damned funny.

As she flopped onto her couch, Sakura lifted her legs up onto the coffee table, arms splayed over the back of the sofa. It was like quicksand - she was sinking in until she felt like she couldn't get up, not even if she was drawn and quartered to a team of clydesdales.

...That could definitely make her day worse. So, scratch that.

The first event had been genuinely unorthodox. Even for a village full of 'unique' ninja. Sakura was never, never, never going near Ino when her friend was on her menstrual cycle ever, ever, again. Especially when the blonde was armed with a plastic leg. Sakura later found out that Ino had ripped it off of a maniquin in a fit of pms-induced rage. And then proceeded to beat her with it. Mercilessly.

Plastic legs could actually be quite the effective weapon. Especially when one was being bludgeoned over the head with it. Sakura had a feeling that she was going to bruise.

The second event had been much more within the norm, but still odd, and still rather painful. Sakura had gone by the Academy to see if she could assist Iruka-sensei with anything, considering that the lively teacher had been rather swamped lately. She ended up helping the man replace a light-bulb. By helping, that meant that she had watched in dumb shock as the man fell from his latter in a show of incredibly un-shinobi-like grace, smacked into a desk, and then received a black eye when the light bulb came unscrewed from the fixture and came careening down into the teacher's face.

She could only be glad that it was him this time, and not herself.

After helping Iruka to the hospital, Sakura had continued on with her day, now armed with a four-leaf clover and a small horse-shoe charm about her neck. As she strolled though the village, thus protected, she paused to bend and give a local dog a pat on the head. As expected, she was appropriately surprised when the canine bounded at her and began gnawing at the hand that held her clover, slobbering and chewing and woofing ecstatically. As she tried to fight the dog off, she turned to see the local orange vendor watching, an odd look on his face. When Sakura was finally able to remove the dog from her hand, (via creative use of her foot) she was thanked by a sudden pelting of oranges from the vendor, who was loudly exclaiming, "YOU KICKED MY DOG!"

When she finally got away from THAT hellish event, the weary and acceptably pissed off Sakura began to head for home, covered in citrus and pulp, not to mention liberal doses of canine saliva. When she got to her front door, she'd met Naruto, who had a tennis ball in his right hand, and a set of raquets in the other. She wasn't given an option - her teammate dragged her down to the the courts and began a sadly one-sided match. Sakura had walked home covered in bruises and tennis-ball shaped indentions in her skin. They still burned.

And now, as she sat there, splayed on her couch in complete and total agony, Sakura wondered if someone upstairs really hated her that much, or if Lucifer was preparing the wedding plans. After a moment of quiet thought, she decided that she was never going outside again.

At least until she had to go out and beat the holy living crap out Naruto for getting her in the face with his serve.


End file.
